I've been feeling quite irritated lately, and my blood sugars show it. Usually I'm so anal about my management, but lately, I don't give a shit. I try, half-assed, but all I get is more frustrated.

I've been attempting to lose weight. What a joke. With 3 kids, a house to keep up with, I don't have the time to exercise like I should, unless I get up at 4 am. I don't want to get up at 4 am to exercise. My husband said he'd help out so I could get the time to exercise, but that lasted 2 days, since I wasn't exercising like he thought I should. Thanks for your judgment, buddy. Always seems like it needs to be on his terms. Funny how I kept my mouth shut for nearly 6 years of marriage while he smoked like a chimney, only to stop a couple of months before our first child was born. Guess I'm more supportive.

I know what pisses me off most about diabetes is the fact there is no day off. No time off. No holiday. I can't leave my house without my glucose meter, and a spare syringe in case my pump malfunctions. Oh, and pump batteries. My pump can eat batteries quicker than one of the kids' toys. Packing for vacation is the biggest pain in the ass. All the supplies I need to take. I soon forget about the basics, toothpaste, soap, deoderant. I know I can pick those up at the local discount store. Not the pump supplies. I wish for 1 day off a year. It would be so wonderful not to think about my blood sugar, wondering if I'm going to shoot too high or too low. Its a constant thing on my mind, even though sometimes I pretend its not.

After nearly 10 years of being a type 1, I'm used to my routine. My older kids, 7 and 4, know when I say I need to check my blood sugar, its time to be quiet for a few moments. I knew I was being watched when my oldest daughter pretended to take her blood sugar one day while we were out shopping. She put the test strip into the appropriate place, pretended to use the lancet and she even sucked the "blood" off her finger. I nearly cried. It was touching that I knew she'd been very attentive to what I'd been doing. My kids will learn they need to be patient with me sometimes.

As I usually try to tell myself, tomorrow is a better day. I need to call my endo to get a new script for my symlin. It helped a bit with my appetite and keeping my blood sugars lower. Having 169 as a 2 week average isn't what I'm used to having. Maybe there is something to the whole consistent exercise idea.