Today is the day I've dreaded would arrive. 10 years ago today, I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. In about an hour from now, actually. Shock, surprise and anxiety barely begin to describe my initial feelings. The fact I thought I'd never have children made me feel so low, I wasn't sure I wanted to go on.
Fortunately, the children part wasn't true. I have 3 amazing, beautiful, intelligent, active children who drive me nuts. Its a good nuts, but chaos reigns at my house frequently. As if this is a surprise to any parent. They are my reason to live.
My other reason to live is to be cured of my disease. 10 years ago, a cure was 5 years away. I guess I should be cured this year too. Apparently, 5 years is the time given for the past 50 years. I once asked my endocrinologist if I might possibly be cured by the age of 40. Unfortunately, 40 is about 20 months away for me now. I'm begining to have my doubts of a cure.
I'm not exactly sure how I feel this morning. Its also my husband's birthday. Nothing like being diagnosed on a family birthday. Kind of like dying on one, I suppose. Unfortunately, since it is his birthday, my obsevance of this date is ignored and forgotten. Not that I want to celebrate the fact I'm a diabetic, most likely to die 10 years earlier than I would otherwise, always on edge for lows, complications and such. I don't know what I expect or want out of this day. I should celebrate the fact I've had 3 children, managed not to have any serious complications (although I have slight microalbumin in my urine, and am on meds to keep the blood pressure lower in my kidneys) and my life is more or less the same as it was 10 years ago. I should celebrate the fact that I don't let diabetes get in the way of anything I want to do in my life. It manages to rear its ugly head now and again. But for the most part, I think I have my illness where it belongs.
What will the next 10 years bring? Hopefully a cure. Hopefully none of my children will develop this disease. Hopefully I won't have any further complications. Hopefully my insurance company will be more willing to cover a greater amount of my necessary accessories. Hopefully I can observe this day a little more in the open. Hopefully more people will be educated on what diabetes really is. Hopefully if there is no cure, treatment will be better and easier.
This day has been in the back of my mind for a few weeks and I haven't been able to decide what I want or need to do. I am going to lunch with some friends today. My normal running about is on board today. My kids have no idea that its anything else other than their Dad's birthday. I don't seem to want to mention it to people for fear they, well for fear of what, I don't know.
I guess I will see what this day brings. All I know is that I woke up feeling irritated. Not a good sign for a day.
Fortunately, the children part wasn't true. I have 3 amazing, beautiful, intelligent, active children who drive me nuts. Its a good nuts, but chaos reigns at my house frequently. As if this is a surprise to any parent. They are my reason to live.
My other reason to live is to be cured of my disease. 10 years ago, a cure was 5 years away. I guess I should be cured this year too. Apparently, 5 years is the time given for the past 50 years. I once asked my endocrinologist if I might possibly be cured by the age of 40. Unfortunately, 40 is about 20 months away for me now. I'm begining to have my doubts of a cure.
I'm not exactly sure how I feel this morning. Its also my husband's birthday. Nothing like being diagnosed on a family birthday. Kind of like dying on one, I suppose. Unfortunately, since it is his birthday, my obsevance of this date is ignored and forgotten. Not that I want to celebrate the fact I'm a diabetic, most likely to die 10 years earlier than I would otherwise, always on edge for lows, complications and such. I don't know what I expect or want out of this day. I should celebrate the fact I've had 3 children, managed not to have any serious complications (although I have slight microalbumin in my urine, and am on meds to keep the blood pressure lower in my kidneys) and my life is more or less the same as it was 10 years ago. I should celebrate the fact that I don't let diabetes get in the way of anything I want to do in my life. It manages to rear its ugly head now and again. But for the most part, I think I have my illness where it belongs.
What will the next 10 years bring? Hopefully a cure. Hopefully none of my children will develop this disease. Hopefully I won't have any further complications. Hopefully my insurance company will be more willing to cover a greater amount of my necessary accessories. Hopefully I can observe this day a little more in the open. Hopefully more people will be educated on what diabetes really is. Hopefully if there is no cure, treatment will be better and easier.
This day has been in the back of my mind for a few weeks and I haven't been able to decide what I want or need to do. I am going to lunch with some friends today. My normal running about is on board today. My kids have no idea that its anything else other than their Dad's birthday. I don't seem to want to mention it to people for fear they, well for fear of what, I don't know.
I guess I will see what this day brings. All I know is that I woke up feeling irritated. Not a good sign for a day.
posted by Cara | 9:29 AM
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