Up way early this morning, 5 am, to take my 20 month old to the hospital to have his cast removed from his right arm. He had hand surgery 2 weeks ago. Now he's in a soft cast for a week. He slipped out of it 2 hours after we arrived back home. Little bugger. Panicked, I called the doc's office, who told me his nurse would call me back immediately. In the intervening 10 minutes, I unwrapped the soft cast, which reminds me of a sticky ace bandage, and rewrapped it on my son's arm. Thankfully, he was distracted by some food to eat with his left arm. When I called the doc's office again and told them what I'd done, they didn't seem to care. Saved me a trip to the office and some $.

Apparently my husband didn't listen to a fucking thing I said the other night about our impending trip to Florida. He talked with his dad last nite, who has made brunch reservations for all of us, and has arranged other things, so apparently we're going. I don't think hubby realizes what he's gonna owe me for this. In fact, I'm positive he has no idea. If he even thinks about getting into one of his moods, I'll kill him right on the spot. You can all be my character witnesses. Someone please delete this blog before I'm prosecuted.

I had to laugh at my eldest daughter, who is 7. L is usually rather curt with her 4 year old sister, C, especially if C doesn't follow what L tells her to do. Tonite before dinner, C is showing L some of the paintings she did in pre-school earlier in the week. Usually L would respond with something rude like who cares, they're ugly, they're not as good as mine. But tonite, L surprised me like I never thought she'd do. She looked at them and said, "Wow, C! These are beautiful!" I nearly cried. I walked over to L, leaned down to her ear and said "That's the nicest I've ever heard you speak to your sister. I like hearing that and I'm proud of you for complimenting her." I think I embarassed her.

I'm feeling a bit more relaxed, don't know why, don't care to find out. I really need to find more ME time. I know its hard to do with 3 kids and a house to run, but it has to happen sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.

Still attempting to figure out all my frustrations. Not much headway. I talked with my husband last nite about our planned trip to Florida. I told him there was no way I was sitting in a car for over 17 hours with 3 kids without going totally insane, or pulling over and getting out to walk home. He thought maybe valium would help relax me. I'm not wanting to relax in a car for 17 hours. I'll do that in my own home, thank you very much. I made sure he understood that vacation wouldn't be a very happy or relaxing time considering the way I feel. I'm not sure he got it. I'm pretty sure he didn't.

I'm suggesting other options, where we don't have to drive a day to get there. So far, none of my suggestions are being accepted. He did suggest he could go to Florida by himself. Oh ya, leave an irritated, crabby 37 year old diabetic alone for a week with her 3 kids. I did mention inpatient mental institution in my response. So no decision has been agreed upon. Figures.

I did get to take a nap today for a couple of hours. It seemed to help. But I realize that I get very irritated with my 4 year old daughter. She's mini-me, that's probably one reason. Several other reasons include the fact she asks questions but never waits for the response, just starts asking the same question over and over. Then she repeats herself a hundred times with some demand, believing I move as fast as The Flash.

I hear my darling husband yelling at our 20 month old, so I'll move on for the moment before someone hurts themselves. Oh, no sex. Sorry.

The irritation builds, and I don't know why. I know part of it is the total lack of help I get around the house. Take for example, my husband. God love him, because some days, that is the only person guaranteed to love him. He scraped the popcorn off the ceilings in our bedroom and bathroom. Did a half assed job of cleaning up. So who finished cleaning up the bathroom today with a 20 month old boy? Me, of course. I don't even want to look at my bedroom.

Husband wants to go visit his dad in Florida for spring break in 2 weeks. This makes me laugh out loud because the man can't spend 10 minutes in the car with our 3 children without yelling at someone. He's going to spend over 18 hours, one way, with them in a car? I think I'll let him take the kids to Florida and I'll stay home and enjoy the quiet. Maybe that's what I need.

I probably should call my endo and see if there is another anti-depressant I can take. Maybe that's my problem. I have some of the signs of depression, still. Its worth the phone call. I know I could care less about sex right now (how's that Sue?). Quite unusual for me. I think I'll make that call today.

Maybe once I get my feeling of irritation under better control, my diabetes will follow. I'm using way too much insulin lately. Seems like every day my pump is yelling at me about a low reservoir. I hate when it starts buzzing. Just another irritation to add to my life these days.

I think I'll nap on the screened in porch and listen to the howling wind. Its no longer the gentle breeze it was yesterday. Its gusting around 40 mph. If I weighed any less, the wind might take it with me!

Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett. Hopefully my mood will improve then too.

I've been feeling quite irritated lately, and my blood sugars show it. Usually I'm so anal about my management, but lately, I don't give a shit. I try, half-assed, but all I get is more frustrated.

I've been attempting to lose weight. What a joke. With 3 kids, a house to keep up with, I don't have the time to exercise like I should, unless I get up at 4 am. I don't want to get up at 4 am to exercise. My husband said he'd help out so I could get the time to exercise, but that lasted 2 days, since I wasn't exercising like he thought I should. Thanks for your judgment, buddy. Always seems like it needs to be on his terms. Funny how I kept my mouth shut for nearly 6 years of marriage while he smoked like a chimney, only to stop a couple of months before our first child was born. Guess I'm more supportive.

I know what pisses me off most about diabetes is the fact there is no day off. No time off. No holiday. I can't leave my house without my glucose meter, and a spare syringe in case my pump malfunctions. Oh, and pump batteries. My pump can eat batteries quicker than one of the kids' toys. Packing for vacation is the biggest pain in the ass. All the supplies I need to take. I soon forget about the basics, toothpaste, soap, deoderant. I know I can pick those up at the local discount store. Not the pump supplies. I wish for 1 day off a year. It would be so wonderful not to think about my blood sugar, wondering if I'm going to shoot too high or too low. Its a constant thing on my mind, even though sometimes I pretend its not.

After nearly 10 years of being a type 1, I'm used to my routine. My older kids, 7 and 4, know when I say I need to check my blood sugar, its time to be quiet for a few moments. I knew I was being watched when my oldest daughter pretended to take her blood sugar one day while we were out shopping. She put the test strip into the appropriate place, pretended to use the lancet and she even sucked the "blood" off her finger. I nearly cried. It was touching that I knew she'd been very attentive to what I'd been doing. My kids will learn they need to be patient with me sometimes.

As I usually try to tell myself, tomorrow is a better day. I need to call my endo to get a new script for my symlin. It helped a bit with my appetite and keeping my blood sugars lower. Having 169 as a 2 week average isn't what I'm used to having. Maybe there is something to the whole consistent exercise idea.